My dads gf is literally stalking him

kind of funny

that last huge post re-reading it, i seem extremely whiny. ah well fuck it. im tired of shit going everybody elses way but my own. “shit happens if you let it”

nonwhitegirlz with british/australian accents = swoon

actually when everything is simple its 2300934x easier. i just like a girl ok lets put it like that fuccccck all da booshet

To build on that comment below, its kind of disheartening when people will say things to mentally deter you from doing what you want. My heart is saying a lot of things, as is my head. Things I already know well. I’m not stupid. Of course the person I’m seeing in Canada is gorgeous and people want to date her and she wants to meet new people and possibly date again. I just dont get why it’s said to me like I shouldn’t even do something thats been in the works forever (going there).

The reason I’m going to Toronto is obvious. To meet somebody I care/love more than anybody that I should have seen a year ago, and to have fun. It’s really not complicated at all. Yes we’re good friends, no I wouldn’t mind being with her, yes of course it would hurt if somebody I thought about doing absolutely any mundane/crazy shit with was dating some new nigga that barely knows her and doesn’t have the 230492304932th of feelings I have. It’s nothing new though, nor would I blame anybody, its just life.

I’m not putting any eggs in a basket either, or trying anything that I haven’t tried before. I read my blog sometimes, like recent pages and I think I’m crazy but then I look back from mooooooooonths ago and I see feelings and emotions completely similar, about the same fucking person and it’s nothing new. I just want to hang out and be myself around somebody that I could be myself around, without the aide of a computer screen. You can find out what I’m really about instead of me talking about myself. To clear up misconceptions good and bad.

I don’t know. Some nights it just doesn’t feel worth it to attempt anything. Like nothing meant/means anything.  Lets be real, if you’ve read my blog over the past, lets say, almost a year (minus a few months of other tingz) you know I would do a lot just to spend a day with this girl let alone have mutual feelings with each other again, but like I said just because that would be “nice” or make me happy, it’s not expected.. matter of fact it’s a fucking long shot, but damn, let me have a chance to be myself before I get bombshelled with things I already know and have known since I’ve talked to her.

I just want something that has grown and changed and been molded into so many things to have a chance in person before its stepped on/muted/thrown out. Whether its her doing it, or me, or our friends, life, all I really want to feel is that doing whatever way I’ve handled everything can just have a fucking chance. That real, honest to god, heart breaking, CONSTANT feelings no matter the fucking distance, can have the decency to not be thrown aside by people while the intentions and ideals of other people whether good or bad flourish like its so easy and simple. Can I just breathe? I’m a human too.

Can’t wait for the day to actually come.

beneath it all

Promiscuity in couples really gives me a downer and makes me lose hope in a lot of things. Definitely can happen to anybody. When you’re single, do what the fuck you want, I shouldn’t be reading a text between 2 friends talking about going over and fucking each other while you’re dating my other friend. Bums me out.

lol looking thru all these old imac videos cracking up

me rapping

me rapping stupidly x20

jared saying he loves erika

richard freestyling

my ~feelingz video for terri like 10 months ago (i forgot i even posted this, awitssosweet)

my dad doing something retardedly not funny

anyway, I NEED TO SLEEP. Work work work tmrw, im not even setting my alarm because i honestly dont care if i oversleep

BTW the party on friday was kind of a let down. How you going to combine parties with somebody you dont even know? Hella people but I only knew like 7. Plus homegirl coworker kept dancing with me and me only and it was kind of awkward, I DONT LIKE WHITE GIRLS. But she has a booty, so I wont complain