“i dont know, she just seems like the source of your happiness no matter how much you try to hide it”

its that obvious? T_T

Okay I don’t feel like doing 55 more

I can’t sleep and have a lot of things on my mind. Here’s some personal stuff and stuff about my life. A lot of this I’ve never told anybody or only the closest people to me.

• 1. I forgot what my blog looks like. I’ve never entered the URL “lopsters.tumblr.com” as long as I had my iMac until today.
• 2. It’s a complete mess of thoughts and grammar and format. I wish I could make it a little more composed, but I think it would defeat the purpose of a private blog. It’s meant to be emotionally driven and ridiculous and as much as I hate reading it, it’s the best I could do at the time.
• 3. Eternal Sunshine is my favorite movie and I will never watch it again.
• 4. My dad was given up as a kid for almost a year to his aunt and uncle because my grandma had clinical depression, and my mom also takes medicine for depression. I don’t believe in it really, but the more I take a look at myself, the more I can’t pinpoint why I’m apathetic towards so many things. Maybe I’m just jaded or unhappy. I’m stuck in this rut more often than not.
• 5. I didn’t have a favorite color until 4th grade and my first girlfriend, I jacked her favorite color from her (green). It’s an okay color but nothing special. I think I like teal or orange more now.
• 6. Background noise is essential. I can’t sleep without a fan on. I always enjoy having tv on in the background when doing a project (music, school, fucking around on the net). I love old movies (60s, 70s, 80s) and horror movies and cheesy comedic or serious romantic comedies.
• 7. I refuse to fly planes. A lot of people know this, what people don’t know is that I’ve been in the air over 100 times. As soon as I became old enough to do what I want, I’ve refused and won’t go on one in the near future, yes it sucks because I want to travel.
• 8. I seriously wouldn’t trade my childhood with any other kid in the world.
• 9. I played basketball in a league for 4 years until I fucked up my ankle badly and started using accutane, I couldn’t jump without it hurting my lower back while on it so I took a break.
• 10. One of the first words I ever learned was “bitchfuck”.
• 11. I always used to hang out with the older kids. For a few months they would punch me and throw me into fences so that I could “toughen up” like them. I thought that shit was cruel but I kind of appreciate it now. Not going to say I can beat anybody up, but I’m not afraid of much, let alone a person.
• 12. I used to love liquor and hate beer. Now I hate liquor and love beer.
• 13. One of my fantasies is to have sex with the bride-to-be at a bachelorette party. Yes it’s fucked up, no I don’t care.
• 14. I vividly remember doing a project about my favorite animal as a child, the Cheetah. I still can see the 1996 Cheetah pictures and clipart in my head and the neatly laminated pages. I was so proud of it.
• 15. I’m going to raise my kids on good music and good food. You really do retain a lot of memories and things as a kid. My dad is a DJ and when I was a younger, a house DJ. It took until I was like 13 or 14 but thats when my music taste started to evolve and I started to remember a lot of things and expand my horizons.
• 16. As far as physical goes, I love girls with back dimples. I love girls with big lips that bite yours. I love short girls with cute noses and a nice butt.
• 17. I used to write poems daily, now it’s only about once a year. I love to write but hate to share anything because nothing I finish seems to be good enough for me.
• 18. I used to collect pogs, rocks, beanie babies (lol), pokemon, sports cards and stamps.
• 19. I used to love bugs and play with them, now any time my headphone wire touches my arm I freak out because I think it’s a spider.
• 20. I’m a stat/information junky. I love to learn outside of learning environments and if it wasn’t in such a setting, I would love to be a teacher or assistant in some degree. I like to teach people things.
• 21. I love seeing people happy and smiling. It’s so great to see people accomplish things they’ve been waiting so much for.
• 22. My favorite teams as a kid were the Dallas Cowboys and the Chicago Bulls. Now it’s the Carolina Panthers and the Orlando Magic.
• 23. 23 is my favorite number.
• 24. I love sloppy head and spit, and I could never be with a girl that doesn’t give head. Unless she was really amazing in some other way.
• 25. I have no clue what I want to do with my future, but I’m not scared. I am not close to knowing who I am or what I will be, but I think thats the beauty of life, to find somebody that enables you to find yourself.
• 26. I definitely feed off of love more than hate. I am 10x more productive when I know somebody is caring about me or expecting something good from me. I don’t want to disappoint them.
• 27. I was one of the tallest kids in class every year until 9th grade. I used to play center for my basketball team. I stopped growing since about 2004-2005. I think. Maybe another half inch.
• 28. Despite the massive amount of distrust and lying in people, I believe in true love.
• 29. I have it now. It may be fucked up, unrequited, but its rooted deep and I can’t shake it. This person really has my full heart.
• 30. If I had a choice I would move back to New York, California, or Toronto.
• 31. I think I’m a really good boyfriend. Well at least now I could be one. I’ve made some mistakes and did some stupid things before and I think all of the trivial things are behind me. I’m all about good times and fun and the occasional argument.
• 32. I think flaws in people are beautiful things. I love people that challenge me. I’m attracted people that challenge me and annoy me and make me crazy. I hate being a flawed person in general because I think I’m a huge fuckup at times.
• 33. I love R&B and wish I could sing.
• 34. I used to ride my bike everywhere. I mean everywhere. I also could ride with no hands for like, 5 minute straight. I haven’t ridden a bike for like 6 years now-a-days.
• 35. I wake up every day praying for something that may not happen but I never lose complete faith. The smallest words or phrases can keep me going even if it’s rare now. I like to make her smile and I like to write about her way too much. Maybe it’s meant to be a curse, but I enjoy it a little too much.

Premium Fantasy woman: You like massage?
Bob: I don’t think I like massage anymore.

mi dem waan fi tear it up

I hate this.

life is a bitch so i follow my heart no matter how much im destroying myself

anyway, hi, i need food, pad thai sounds nice right now yesss

gave so much of myself I dont know what the fuck is left

My dads gf is literally stalking him

kind of funny